HOW TO COME OUT LIKE A PORN STAR

How do you tell your mom and dad that you're a porn star is the question asked by an upcoming anthology edited by Jiz Lee. It's called, aptly, 'Coming Out Like a Porn Star.'

If your parents were depressed enough that you spent a couple post-college, post-recession years behind a bar like mine, imagine how weird it must be to tell conservative parents that you're a porn star. It's a pretty stigmatized profession, because society (insert rant here).

Each story is personal and honest and unique. Lee writes: "If we are to overcome these cultural roadblocks and gain rights for sex workers, it is precedent that we create a dialogue that stands firmly on the fact that people who chose to perform in porn are no different than anyone else."

THE DILDO SELFIE STICK HAS FINALLY, FINALLY ARRIVED.

Ever wanted to know what it looks like when you're orgasming, but lack the equipment to do it? Not anymore, friends. There's a dildo selfie stick on the market.

There are a lot of people who are really against selfies for some reason. They truly believe that people wanting to take photographs of themselves during memorable experiences somehow decreases those experiences. I'm sure they're right. I'm sure that when today's millennials are old, they'll say, "Gosh, I wish I had less photos of the times I shared with friends, lovers and family." I'm sure.

WHEN A SEX WEIRDO MASQUERADES AS A PRIEST, WE ALL SUFFER. OR DO WE?

An orthodox priest in New York is in hot water after he was caught making some kinky cake porn with a coworker.

Father George Passias was a Greek Orthodox priest in Washington Heights, who was particularly conservative, which is always the hallmark of a sex weirdo, when you think about it.

JUST GET OVER IT AND START FUCKING A MACHINE, ALREADY

By 2050, we won't even need other humans to have sex with because we'll be doing it with robots, apparently.

According to Ian Pearson, a FUTUROLOGIST—wtf, how do you get that job?—people will be having virtual reality Lawnmower Man sex by 2030 and will be happily sleeping with bots by 2050. We may still have human relationships where we love one another, Pearson notes, but most of our biological needs will be filled by robots and augmented reality. He thinks we will also link our dreams to others so that we can feel their sensations as well as our own and will be able to orgasm with the click of a button.

WE NEED TO HAVE SERIOUS TALK ABOUT FUCKING PIGS.

Did you guys watch Black Mirror? Do you remember that one episode that revolved around a demented terrorist's plot to get the Prime Minister to have sex with a live pig on national TV? WELL, it looks like someone was a little too into that show because Prime Minister David Cameron has been accused of molesting a dead pig

Those punny limeys are calling it the "bae of pigs." According to author and former deputy chairman of the Conservative Party Lord Ashcroft, Cameron put his penis in a dead pig's mouth during an initiation into a secret society at the University of Oxford, the Daily Beast reports. The society in question was the Piers Gaveston society, which has all the things good secret societies have: orgies, booze and rich people hating on the poor.

HALLOWEEN'S COMING! LET'S GET STUPID!

It's September, which means it's almost Halloween. And because it's almost Halloween, it means it's time for another round of sexy costumes that aren't sexy. I've seen jellyfish, dolphins and clown fish so do your fucking worst, Internet.

Well, here it is: The Donna T. Rumpshaker costume which is retailing on like for $69.95. That's right. It's a Sexy Donald Trump costume, which Vox blessedly unearthed.

HUSTLER EXPANDS INTO SHITTY CLOTHING!

Hustler Hollywood is apparently going to get into the apparel game, which sounds like an even worse decision than wearing Ed Hardy or Affliction.

The iconic Hustler store in Hollywood is moving down the street to make way for some private, v-steaming club belonging to 'Goop' mogul Gwyneth Paltrow. With this change, Hustler is going to decrease their dildo and insertables line, and start selling more clothes, whatever that means. All I can imagine are shirts that have bedazzled hourglass-figured devils or other such crap. I mean, has anyone ever gone to Hustler for clothes? Even on Halloween?

SEX TIPS FROM THE OLD PROS!

Here's an fun look back at old sex tips that make very little sense!

Glamour and BoingBoing collaborated to make a video of modern day women reacting to sex tips of yore. Many of the tips are from the centuries ago. Such as: "I would have no Woman tantalize a Man with her hand, since she hath a more proper place to receive and bestow his instruments."

There are also tips no how you should be purposefully awkward around men to make them feel better, and you should do some housecleaning if you are feeling too horny.

Because the video only contains three old rules and then the women's reactions, let's find some more old rules!

DOUBLE-ENDED DILDOS, ORGIES AND MORE. YAY!

Are you interested in a 'dear Penthouse' style letter written by a woman, surrounding a double-ended dildo that she never used?

Okay. Well, Maya Jordan wrote such a piece for Bustle. In it, she describes having a happy relationship with a man, but also a 43-year-old woman who has "a body that just won't quit." She refers to this woman as Porsche. This may be the first time I've heard someone say this outside of a pulp novel, but there you have it. She also asserts that a woman, once in her 40s, comes harder due to a thinning of the g-spot lining. Citation needed, but I'll take it.

IT'S A QUESTION OF ETHICS.

Did you know that there are ethics when it comes to watching porn? Yeah, you can't just queue up your favorite reverse gangbang and mindlessly go to town. Have some respect!

Refinery29 recently wrote about how to ethically watch porn. They compare an ethical porn watcher to someone who buys cage-free eggs or actually purchases the music they consume.The reason that no one really talks about how we should pay for media when it's porn might be found within the loud voices of people who claim that all sex workers are trafficked or somehow deranged, R29 speculates.

TAIWAN'S NEW METRO CARDS WILL HAVE A PORN STAR ON THEM!

I take the L.A. Metro on a regular basis and when I need a new TAP card, I either get a boring blue one or a commemorative card with a picture of the station. In Taiwan, there will be a metro card printed with the image of a popular porn star.

The metro cards will feature a SFW image of porn star Yui Hatano, a very pretty and peppy Taiwanese adult performer. These cards will be available in Taipei and will be used to pay for trips on the city's rail and bus systems.

DOES ANAL SEX MAKE YOU COOLER?

There's been a scientific study to determine which heterosexual women like it in the butt—or at least who's tried it.

Truly a worthwhile and lofty study, "Correlates of Heterosexual Anal Intercourse Among Women in the 2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth" took a look at the kind of straight women between 15-44 that had butt sex. The study asked participants to talk about any time they'd had anal sex in the last year, as well as in their lives in general and if they'd used a condom or not.

The study look at 10,463 women in total, all of whom identified as straight and sexually active.

WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM AWKWARD SEX.

Natalie Wall is a New York comedian and host of the "Awkward Sex in the City" comedy show. In an interview with New York Magazine, she explains how she became someone who can so frankly talk about sex and encourage others to do so.

So, Wall had an upbringing that was super different from, well, mine. She said her mother used to tell her that she needs to experiment sexually, before marriage, and achieve "your fucking O." At age 14, Wall wasn't having sex, but she was properly informed about it. She understood anatomy, she knew the actual dangers of STDs and she waited to have sex, but not out of fear.

My mom, on the other hand, was so stifling anti-sex that I was terrified of it while simultaneously wanting it, and let's be clear: that really fucks up a teenage brain.

ISN'T REVENGE PORN REALLY WORSE FOR MEN WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT?

Journalist Anna Richardson of the UK’s Channel 4 investigated revenge porn, and her documentary-style presentation apparently has people afraid of the Internet.

The expose went through the things we already know: that some people think it’s fun to try to humiliate and devastate their exes by putting photos of them in explicit positions online or by sending them to their family, workplaces and friends. These people are terrible and no one should like them, respect them or ever have sex with them again.

But one must always ask themselves when it comes to any problem that disproportionately targets women: WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!

PERHAPS YOU DON'T KNOW AS MUCH ABOUT SEX WORK AS YOU THOUGHT?

Sarah Greenmore works in a legal brothel in Nevada, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, wrote a blog post for the Independent about what her job is actually like. In it, she posted five myths and how they’re wrong.

She began by clarifying that contrary to popular belief, her job isn’t easy. She said she works anywhere from 12-14 hours a day, monitoring her email, social media accounts, advertising her services, scheduling appointments and interviews, writing and cleaning up the place. She also has to interact with customers to the brothel, many of whom she might not even have sex with. They get tours, they talk about what they’re into, and she also has to come to an agreement on price. Then finally, maybe she does the sex part of sex work.

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